You’ve been single for a while or find yourself out in the market again needing to brush up your dating skills. Here’s a few simple tips to keep in mind before walking into that bar and flashing your brightest smile. All the things your mother never taught you or your money back.
1. Don’t Pretend
A classic rookie error, but if you take nothing away but this one tip, it will save you heartache. If you pretend you’re interested in football to hold the esteem and attention of the man of your dreams, be prepared to sit in football stadiums for the rest of your life. Women or men pretending they’re interested in sport or other significant interests when they’re really not will bite you in the behind down the track. It will come between you when you try to change them, or you’ll die of boredom and wish you’d gone for the guy into modern art back when you had the chance.
2. Manage Your Expectations
Be real about human beings. People will disappoint you, we all have habits, some good, some very annoying. Everyone has ‘something’. Everyone has extended family, which bring a whole raft of issues, other people have no family, which opens up a plethora of problems. Nobody is perfect and after your initial period of passion things will plateau and this is life. Don’t set yourself up for too much disappointment expecting too much fulfilment from one person. Make your own happiness and look for someone to share that with you, not make it for you. Even Santa Claus can’t deliver on that.
3. Keep Your Crazy Filter High
This point should really be Numero Uno. You can have the best job, live in the best house in the best location but if you’ve got a crazy person around you, life can be living hell. Worth keeping that gut instinct working optimally and when all else fails suss out their friends and look for warning signs. If you’re THAT crazy ex click here.
4. Think about your next 20 years
This point applies to dating single parents, mature-age students or dating people from overseas. Are they crying into their soup every night because they miss their family back in Brazil? Remember, if you end up having kids together you might find yourself spending every holiday catching up with aunties and uncles in Rio. Hey, this might sound exciting, that’s great for you. Otherwise, it’s a potential shackle if you like to holiday far and wide. Are they poor students with no money or spare time to spend with you? They’ll eventually graduate. Are you put off because the guy you are dating has children? Children grow up and fly the nest, it’s good to factor that in. And you get the opportunity to view their parenting style and see if it matches yours. If you’re both on extremely limited wages and one of you has child support to pay it may cramp your style, or at least your dining out budget. If you’re still at the dating stage we get to think these things through. Isn’t life great like that? Hindsight in reverse, what a wonderful thing.
5. Allow for Shy
Shy on the first few dates is good. It means they’re reflective, self-conscious and this date is meaningful to them. And it possibly means they’re not drunk yet. Some people are more of a slow burn, they have trouble self-promoting, so behind all that verbal fumbling and silence there might actually be a real gem, waiting to shine. Don’t ditch them for the loud, self-promoter just yet…
6. Factor in THE KID
Hey, if you’re considering long term don’t just gloss over the fact this person you’re dating has kids. It can be utterly brilliant, richly rewardingand life enhancing OR it can be a nightmare of the daily kind. All things told, it’s not so much the kids themselves than the parent who is not in the picture that can determine if it’s heaven or hell. If the parents are friends or at least civil or on the same parenting page things are much easier. If relations are acrimonious it can be a war you’re never going to win. Worth visiting child support forums right here to get a feel for real life issues. AND worth revisiting the point number 3 about the Crazy Filter, and point number 4 while you’re at it. Dating a daddy or mummy can be an excellent way of seeing them parent their children, it gives you a guide how things might pan out if you procreate together down the track. Maybe give the militant-style daddy a wide berth if you’re planning on co-sleeping with future babies and breastfeeding them till school age. Then again, it might be an excellent discussion point, which gives you opportunity to flex your problem-resolution skills. See it as a little test run for the real deal. Cheap therapy really.
7. Be Yourself
Aside from the fact everyone else is taken, it’s nice to meet someone who appreciates your great guffawing, snorting laugh or loves you despite your flat chest or pimply face. Who wants to spend the rest of their life physically or emotionally altering themselves for the sake of others? Unless you’re really in need of serious self-improvement, then you could always try Scientology. There is someone out there for everyone. You only have to spend 10 minutes people-watching on a bench down at the local shopping centre to confirm this. There’s only so long you can maintain an illusion of being someone you’re not anyway, and it’s really quite exhausting. I’ve tried refraining from making bad jokes. It’s so tiring. Who wants to eat hamburgers if we are vegan or eat white bread if we are into our whole foods. It took a lot of hard work to get to where you’re at. It’s worth considering if this is a deal breaker or a journey you’re both open to going on together.
8. Put them through the Paces
Think of what really matters to you. Do you love tennis, adore jigsaw puzzles or think surfing is rad? Take your dates away from the bars and clubs and do the things you love as the date. The Western world has a collective drinking problem anyway, so make your date count by being active and focus on something you love doing. It’s an easy way for them to see how you come alive doing something you love, and if they can’t stand the activity then it may be a deal breaker. Who wants to give up surfing because your partner is allergic to sand?Think of the coral islands you’ll miss out on.
9. The LIST is alive and well
Making a list of what you want in a partner is controversial, but that’s ridiculous. Making a list gives you time to fine tune your non-negotiables. It helps you think if financial stability is key for you, or living in a certain geographical location or desperately wanting your future children to attend Catholic school is important or not. Don’t wait till the stakes are high and your lives are entwined before you discover aspects of their belief system that go completely against yours.
10.Sex spells genital herpes , anyway…
Take your own advice on this but be aware the thrill of the chase has dissolved if you do it on the first date. A bit of mystery goes a long way. This is about finding the partner of your dreams. For everything else there’s always the Tinder app. And shirtless bathroom selfies are always bad news, whatever way you look at it.